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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376667">On the Road to Improvement</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal'>Zetal (Rodinia)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath of Mental Breakdown, Former Doctor!Raphael, Fun With Cleaning Up The Beach, M/M, Respect for boundaries, Selkie!Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:20:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28376667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a mental breakdown, Raphael's on the road to recovery.  Hanging out on the beach at night, when it's quiet and he can have solitude, is a perfect way for him to unwind.  Then he learns something odd about the seals he's been watching...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raphael &amp; Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>On the Road to Improvement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karategrl80/gifts">Karategrl80</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy New Year!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Raphael loved the beach at night.  There were no crowds to make it unpleasant like it was during the day, but it was still warm and the wind off the water felt amazing.  The healing power that was supposed to come with salt air was still there at night, without the mental stress of screaming children and girls in bikinis trying to get his attention.  Under a full moon, there was still plenty of light for what Raphael was on the beach for.  He certainly didn’t care to tan.  Aside from the whole problem of cancer, he was dark enough already, according to everyone else.  Too dark, according to many who he didn’t care to listen to.  If he wanted to go swimming, well… what were the chances of that?</p>
<p>Right now, he was occupied watching a pod of seals frolic in the water.  They were adorable and Raphael could feel his nerves soothing as he watched them bat around bits of trash.  Somehow, the trash always ended up on the beach, and every time, Raphael got up and retrieved it to put in a bag he had with him for his trash.</p>
<p>After a deflated beach ball found its way onto the beach, Raphael noticed the seal who had batted it out of the water watching.  Raphael examined it and considered tossing it back to the seal – did they want their toy back?  He shook his head and waved to the seal, trying to signal to it to find something else to play with.  There was no shortage of trash in the ocean, after all.  The seal tilted its head, regarding Raphael with what he would call curiosity if he thought the animal had the intelligence for it.</p>
<p>Then it winked.  It dove back into the ocean, returning to its family.</p>
<p>If he called his brothers, what would they have to say about the seal who winked?  Gabriel would likely tease him mercilessly, saying that maybe he can’t get a human guy to look at him, but he sure got a seal’s attention easily enough.  Lucien would likely insist he needed to get back to the mental ward, because clearly he wasn’t as recovered as he’d fooled the doctors into thinking he was.  Michael would probably tell him that while he’d just imagined it, it wasn’t anything to worry about, between the moonlight and the projection he’d already been doing, it was easy enough to imagine a trick of the light making it look like the seal had winked.</p>
<p>Gabriel’s advice was easy enough to ignore.  Gabriel didn’t seem to understand that he was perfectly happy with his lack of attention, and would rather prefer less attention.  If he wanted a relationship, he would seek one out, but until then he was perfectly happy to be left alone.  Lucien was harder.  After all, what if he was right?  He could hear Michael in the back of his mind telling him that Lucien was a dick and that every doctor he’d spoken to in the process of being released and since his release agreed that he belonged on the outside, that he was capable of living a mostly normal life as long as he respected his limits and avoided triggering situations.  Being on the beach wasn’t triggering, therefore it was unlikely that he was having a serious issue.  If he was still worried, then he could always call Dr. Kline and see what he thought.</p>
<p>Raphael decided to listen to Michael’s imaginary words.  It was a trick of the light; nothing more.  He should return to his chair and his watching and mental cleansing.  If something else came up, he could deal with it then.  For now, the seals had found a new piece of trash to toss around.</p>
<p>About ten minutes later, one of the seals batted their new toy onto the beach.  This time, instead of waiting for Raphael to come get it, one of the seals followed it, hauling itself up onto the beach.  Fair enough, Raphael supposed; seals spent some time on land and maybe this one wanted a break from the water.  Then the seal shifted, taking the form of a very tall, well-muscled if somewhat lanky, very naked man.  Even if it weren’t for the impossibility of a seal having shifted into a human form, Raphael wouldn’t have been able to tear his eyes away.</p>
<p>The seal picked up the trash – a large plastic bottle that had likely once held water, although the label was gone – and held it out to Raphael.  “Thank you for picking these up for us.  Usually we clean up after ourselves, I promise, but since you’re here…”</p>
<p>“This is impossible.  Seals don’t turn into people.”  And yet, Raphael took the bottle to put it in his bag of trash.  He finally managed to look away from the seal-person as he did, half-expecting that when he looked back, the person would be gone.  It wasn’t.  “Weren’t you listening?  You’re impossible.  You’re supposed to go away.”</p>
<p>The person laughed and ducked his head, soft hair flopping into his face.  “Yeah, my family and I get that a lot when we reveal our existence to someone.  We’re real.  I’m real.  My name’s Sam, and my family and I are selkies.”  It… he… pointed out toward the waves, where Raphael could now see another seal had come up onto land and was carefully guarding something.  “My brother Dean, guarding my coat in case I was wrong about you and you were going to try to steal it to force me into a marriage.  Routine precaution, I assure you, it’s nothing personal at all.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to take it that way.  I thought your kind was mythical, but I certainly won’t blame you for protecting yourself.”  Raphael felt better.  If this was some extended hallucination brought on by his mental breakdown, at least it was a sensible one.  “Why expose yourself like this?”</p>
<p>“You mean that selkies exist and I am one, or that I didn’t just wear my coat improperly so I wouldn’t be naked?”  Raphael’s eyes widened, and Sam laughed softly at him.  “I was joking about that one.  Selkies don’t care about nudity, and I didn’t think to grab some clothes before coming up here.  Why expose that we exist… you gain nothing by cleaning up the beach for us, and yet, you’re doing it.  It made me feel like you were safe.”</p>
<p>“I am,” Raphael confirmed.  “Even if I wanted to expose you, no one would believe me.”</p>
<p>Sam dropped to his knees, arranging himself to sit comfortably beside Raphael.  “That’s awful!  May I ask why?  I mean, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I know it’s none of my business…”</p>
<p>Somehow, that made it easier for Raphael to decide to talk about it.  “I used to be a highly respected doctor.  One of the best general practitioners in the country.  In the world, according to some.  I’m not saying this to brag, merely to set context.  One of my biggest limitations was that I was terrible at saying no.  I ended up taking on a far bigger patient load than I could handle, and when my exhaustion and burnout led to a misdiagnosis causing a patient to die from something that I could have easily stopped by diagnosing correctly and getting them to the appropriate specialist for thorough treatment, my mind snapped.  Within a week, my brothers had me committed to an institution as a patient myself.”</p>
<p>“I can’t even imagine,” Sam whispered.  “Did the patient’s family blame you?”</p>
<p>“No.”  Raphael tilted his head, considering.  “I mean, I’m sure they did to the extent appropriate.  I did make the mistake.  The family was very kind about it.  In a way, I think that made it worse.  If they had hated me, blamed me, I wouldn’t have needed to hate and blame myself nearly as much in their stead.  They were among the first people to contact me when I was well enough to be allowed outside contact, to let me know they were praying for me and hoped that one day I could return to practice.”</p>
<p>“Do you think you will?  Do you even want to?”</p>
<p>Raphael shook his head, a small smile escaping.  “Do you know, I think you’re the first person who’s ever asked that question?”  Most people asked when he would be fixed enough to return to practice.  A few more considerate people, including the therapist who had helped him move forward enough to at least regain independence, asked if he felt he could.  He’d told Michael, unprompted, that he didn’t want to return to practice, and despite his surprise, Michael had encouraged him to do what was right for himself, not for anyone else.  “I don’t.  I honestly don’t believe that I could do the job without falling back into the mistakes that led to the breakdown.  Fortunately, even with the medical bills for my hospitalization and ongoing therapy, I have more than enough money to live on and even pay for education when I figure out what I want to do and am capable of now.”</p>
<p>“That sounds sad.  Responsible, but sad.”  Sam reached out, offering a hand to Raphael.  “If you ever need a friend to hear you out on something, cell phones don’t exactly work underwater but we have ways around that.  I may not be able to answer a call right away, but I’ll be able to find a place to call back quickly.”</p>
<p>Raphael had just been about to take Sam’s hand, but now he thought he had misunderstood.  Instead, he handed over his cell phone for Sam to put in his number.  Sam did, and left his hand out after handing the phone back.  After a moment’s hesitation, Raphael put his hand in it.  Sam laced his fingers through Raphael’s.  “If you ever want someone who’ll just let you sit in quiet…”</p>
<p>“Hold that thought.”  Raphael unlaced his hand and headed down to the water, where a broken flipflop had just been tossed by the seals still out in the water.  By the time he’d gotten it stored in the bag with the rest of the trash he’d collected, Sam was staring at him with a somewhat familiar, yet completely unexpected, look in his eyes.  He only looked away from it when he heard a splash, and looked out to see that Dean had returned to the ocean and the seal games.  He turned back to Sam, unsure what to say.  He was in no place to do anything about Sam’s apparent crush on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to say that.</p>
<p>Sam picked up on the unease.  “Relax.  My feelings are my problem, not yours, and I don’t intend to let them become a problem for us if we pursue a friendship.  I’m not one to push.  If you get to the point where you are comfortable pursuing something, that’d be awesome, but if you don’t?  Friends are awesome.  Even without the trauma and hesitance getting involved in a relationship, I had no reason to think you’d be interested in me.  Hope is one thing, but I’m not that arrogant.”  Sam winked again, much more believably than the first wink.</p>
<p>Friends, Raphael figured he could at least give a try.  He could even hear all three of his brothers shouting the same thing for once, that he should go for it.  Okay, Gabriel and Lucien were a little less helpful with Gabriel’s suggestion of baby steps leading to getting laid and Lucien saying forget the baby steps and get that dick, but he could translate.  They both agreed with Michael – and Dr. Kline for that matter – that a friend would be the perfect chance for him to take right now, and that Sam seemed like a good choice.  No expectations for Raphael to make himself uncomfortable, nothing demanded from Raphael, just a good man looking for a friend.  “I think I can do that.  Thank you.”</p>
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